Frases De Famosos - Recados e imagens

translation: "If the eyes really were the window to the soul, all who would see me laugh, would cry with me"...Kurt Cobain

"When you lose a child, you also then lose you...."

I love this poem. Again this woman speaks what's in my heart. Only someone who has suffered such a loss can understand. I wish I could express myself so beautifully.
I miss him every minute of every hour of everyday. My life was meaningful then. I can remember being told what happened and I too died that day. I only exist now and this is only for the sake of my remaining kids. Not because I love them any less but because as a whole they were my life. I miss my baby so much. At the time he was 209lbs. 6’5” and 23yo but still my baby.
With turkey day passing I miss him even more. I loved cooking for him. He loved my food. I remembered one year he took different samplings and went to the neighbors to offer a taste. He invited families over who wouldn’t otherwise get any turkey that day! I'd come home from work, I'm a single mom and always worked the holidays, and there would be strangers in my home he'd have to introduce me to!
What a heart!! Freaky sometimes, but just another side of his generosity. (Smiles)
I miss his presence, his personality, all his qualities, I miss my baby.
Thank you again Lyndie.

Another anniversary of the day that I lost you
It's really very simple, that day I lost me too
Although I try to find the me that I used to be
I will never find that person, for she is lost to me

I know it sounds confusing to those that have no clue
That when you lose a child, you also then lose you
It sounds like one big riddle that I should work on through
But there is not an answer, not one thing I can do

Grief is what has come to me and changed me from within
It has burrowed deep inside of me, like it's a second skin
No one should live on this way but there was little choice
When grief was handed out to me, I didn't have a voice

I often wonder who I am since losing my sweet child
In the world in which I live in, I've been forced into denial
With every anniversary that marks another year
Are thoughts that come from others, that my pain should disappear

I am a mother who has lost a child on a tragic day
And with that loss it took my dreams, and visions far away
I would have chose to leave instead, for life is not so good
For all that ever mattered, was my son and motherhood




Lyndie Sorenson
©copyright July 2007

Still missing you....

Visions of yesterday deep in my heart
When you were still here and we weren't apart
Memories of my child from the day he was born
To the moment he left... now for you I do mourn
Your smile, your laughter, so terribly missed
Each of your hugs, a goodbye, and a kiss
Never once, had I thought of such terrible pain
The one left behind ... the one to remain
After years of this grief you would think I'd be fine
Don't they say everything heals with time?
Tears held within, a mask placed on my face
I hide to the world what I wish to erase
Dreams for my child will never come true
Aspirations he once so happily pursued
How is it life took this dreadful wrong turn?
How is it you will not ever return?
Sometimes I feel as though I'm insane
Keeping this so locked inside me...contained
I just want to scream to the world I MISS YOU
Wish that there were something that I could do
I guess I will have to live life as I do
Wondering just how it is I get through
With visions of yesterday deep in my heart
When you were still with me... and we weren't apart.

Lyndie Sorenson
© November 2007

Capable hands....

Solange reminded me tonight of a little something, relating to Tony ofcourse. She has always slept with her door cracked open till this day. Now I know why. Tony always told her not to ever lock her door and this was because as he said, if there was ever a fire, if the door was locked how would he be able to save her in time.
As I mentioned before Tony was always very mature for his age. I have been separated from my husband since 1993, to which by the way the divorce became final the 24th of October this year, I wish I could afford to celebrate. Getting back to the subject, Tony was 12 when his father and I separated and I couldn't have left the children in more capable hands. Life would've been alittle easier if their dad wasn't a deadbeat and helped with alittle child support. I wouldn't have had to be gone all the time at work, holding down 2-3 jobs at a time.
I was driving Tony to his doctor's appointment the week before the tragedy happened and my life changed forever, when I lost my greatest gift, I had a chance to tell him that we couldn't have made it as far as we did if it hadn't been for him. He was my answered prayer.

*Memories of Tony*

Been thinking alot about my baby lately. I put a foto up of him with his beautiful smile. He was looking at me in this pic. It was taken at the expresso bar in Inverness. Schivone was trying to make him laugh while she was on the Karaoke. You who know Schivone she doesn't stop at anything unless she makes you crack. Amanda and Brian were there, so was Lance. And Tony was trying so hard not to laugh at Schivone, he wasn't in that great a mood. She was trying so hard acting like her goofy self. Tony couldn't hold back anymore and looked at me as if to say "Oh my God, this person will stop at nothing" and he finally looked at me cracked this beautiful smile. I miss him so much.
If you guys can think of a memory of Tony that made him/you smile please post it. I'd love to hear it.
Rosane


From Amanda T. - *Memories of Tony* this ones for you Rosane, I remember when Brian brought his little gas scooter over and Tony was riding it!! Tony was so tall he had to bend his knees to hold on to it!! I will never forget watching him ride around the block in the middle of the night and listening for the sound of the scooter when he was comin back around the corner. The funniest part about the whole thing was that he was so tall and the scooter was so little.


From Andy D. - The memory that hits me the most is when Tony got his moms car stuck in the sand at ivy chase apartments and at like 3a.m Tony came beaten on my window to help him push his moms car out before she found out. lol It took us hours and yes Rosane, LD was there. lol Sorry for the snitchen' but i hope it brings a smile. We will always love you Tony.
love, Andy D.

Memories of Tony* for Mama:
Chris D. - Well, this one time it was ld, tony, brian and i and we were all out all hours of the night being young and dumb...drunk playing in the rich neighborhoods...we were in a neighborhood that was just getting developed...ld and i were about 11 and 12, tony and brian were like 15 or 16....we all had been drinking and having fun...we seen this big old hill that had 2 have been created by the bull dosers from the sub division...tony said lets all c who can get 2 the top first...so we all ran up the hill...as drunk as we were we all made it 2 the top!....we hung out up there for awile and chilled...we were all just joking around up there for awile...then tony pushed brian just playing around and he rolled all the way down this hill, it must of been 15 2 20 high...brian was doing back flips all the way down the hill...when he got 2 the bottom he stood up on his feet and didnt really know what happened...we all couldnt stop laughing...it was so funny...well that one of the many times ma...love u!!!


"Solangie" - I miss my BIG brother so much!! ofcourse we all have lots of awesome memories of him .. Heather reminded me awhile ago about the first time i went to go ride on her fourwheeler and he was drivin us back to her house and he kept askin questions about it, lookin out for me and my safety lol, Tony asked if i had a helmet, i said no and he slammed on the breaks, whipped the car around and he went and got me his helmet out of the house. lmao... wakin him up was always fun, lol he'd stretch out his entire body, his eyes would be poppin out and the whole time he's doin this, he's takin in the biggest breath u could imagine and when he was done he'd say 'whats up?' in his groggy voice...I used to tell him it was like a bear comin out of hibernation. i miss the goofy face he used to do when he'd talk to me like a lil kid.. THANK GOD i have a picture of that.. its on the fridge, lol its so perfect too cause i started callin him 'ton' (tone lol) and i had just said 'i love you ton' and he did the goofy face and said 'i love you too solan' and i started crackin up laughin! ok ok ok i could be here all day but ill just give u one more lol.... the day i told him i wanted him to walk me down the isle when i got married... he smiled, gave me a big hug and said ofcourse and my mom told me later that when i left the room, he looked at her,his face lit up and he told her he felt honored.
I couldnt begin to describe in words exactly how much i miss him...his hugs, his voice/laugh or just his presence in a room and i thank God that i made that phone call the night before he passed away and my last words were 'I love you'.


Tiffany D. - Miss everything about him. I miss how he use to just hold me. The conversations we use to have. He was easy to talk too. I miss how when I was carrying his baby he catered to my every need. I didn't want for nothing. He made sure life was easy for me. He not only told he loved me but showed it. I miss play fighting with him. He was the tallest person at my mother's wedding and he had caught the garter that goes on the woman's leg. Nobody had a chance with his tall behind. Love and miss you Tony. I still can't believe he is gone!!!


Heather L. - So one memory always pops into my mind, when I think about Tony.
It was when you guys were living on Citrus Way by Centrailia RD. Solange and I were about 11 years old. Tony was taking Solange and I back to my house for her to Sleep over. We were in the back seat of his Prelude talking about riding my 4 wheeler and stuff, when Tony heard that, He SLAMS on his brakes and says we're turning around to get a helmet for Solange. It just shows how much he cared and what a fatherly type of guy he was to his little sister.
This memory always brings a smile to my face. Heather


Amanda T - My last memory of Tony was the last time I saw him....Tony and LD came up to my grandmothers house to see Devon after he was born....It was probably about the beginning of March, Devon was only a couple months old. Devon got the cutest Old Navy overalls, I still have them. LD was so scared to hold Devon cause he was still so little but Tony just picked him right up and walked around with him. I wish that Brian could've been there to see Tony with Devon. We went out to eat at Golden Corral and then took pictures in the parking lot. Tony got up in the truck with Devon at the wheel and LD took pictures of them. I wish I knew where that camera ended up, it was Tonys camera.

Dreaming

I dream alot about Tony. In my dreams he's at different stages in his life. When I dream though alot of the times it's when he's young. Last night for instance in my dream he was about three years old. He still had his blond hair (it got darker as he grew older) and in my dream he was running around the house in his underwear. I was chasing him, hugging and kissing on him.
I was reading about the meaning of dreams and it said that when you dream about children that perhaps there is something that you need to see grow and nurtured.
To dream that your own grown children are still very young, indicates that you still see them as young and dependent. You want to feel needed and significant. I guess that's true on both counts for me. My son's life was cut short at 23. He still had alot of growing to do and alot of life to live. At 23 I was still taking care of him when he got sick. I really miss doing things for him. He always made me feel needed.

why doesn't she leave us alone?

I have a "My Space" account. It's private. Only for close friends and family. I made it in dedication to my son Tony. It's a place where all his friends that have an internet connection can feel closer to us and we to them. I have affection for the boys he grew up with, some of them even call me mom. But ever since this past spring I haven't had much peace with the space because my son's killer also has a page and keeps trying to lie herself onto Tony's friends list. I guess it's her way of holding on to her past with Tony? Warped, I know considering she's the reason he's not here anymore. She also knows this upsets me and she even mentions me to them trying to gain sympathy.
Everyday I question the evidence the police overlooked. If I had 10K I'm sure she'd be behind bars. Everynight I pray for justice to be done. When I think about how that shot could've been made up to 4ft away, her aim, where the bullet hit him.... before I even say it people say she did it.