Friday, January 18, 2008
translations....
To know me is to understand that I speak two languages, portuguese and english. I grew up in the USA but I was born in Brazil to a brazilian family immigrated to the USA but lived in a brazilian community so sometimes it is easier for me to express myself and how I'm feeling in one language more than the other. Just bear with me. If you want a translation, you know where I am.
Carinhos....
This is me and my Baby lovin' on his momma, his Má like he used to call me. It took me so long to be able to get my sister to send me this but I finally have it. I remember the day we took this. I've been asking for it since he went away. Almost 4 years. I can't believe it's been 4 yrs. I hate to think about the time lost without him. It's like time went on and he's still there in April 13, 2004. I love this boy. The pain is so hard to bear. I always wish I was with him. I never thought it could happen to "us" . I'll never think like that again.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Tristeza não tem fim....
A FELICIDADE
Tristeza não tem fim, felicidade sim.
A felicidade é como a gota de orvalho numa pétala de flor
Brilha tranquila depois de leve oscila e cai como uma lágrima de amor.
A felicidade do pobre parece a grande ilusão do carnaval
A gente trabalha o ano inteiro por um momento de sonho
Pra fazer a fantasia de rei ou de pirata ou jardineira pra tudo se acabar na quarta feira.
Tristeza não tem fim, felicidade sim.
A felicidade é como a pluma que o vento vai levando pelo ar
Voa tão leve Mas tem a vida breve precisa que haja vento sem parar.
A minha felicidade está sonhando nos olhos da minha namorada
É como esta noite passando, passando em busca da madrugada
Falem baixo, por favor prá que ela acorde alegre como o dia
Oferecendo beijos de amor tristeza não tem fim Felicidade sim....
There is no end to sadness, there is to happiness.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
2008 another New Year
I'm missing you so much my baby boy. I love you and think about you constantly in whatever I do. Everything reminds me of you. Another year has come and gone without you, I can't believe I'm still here. You will forever live in my heart.
Saturday, December 29, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Traditions
Solange has been staying with her brother, LD. She says everything is fine there. I miss her though. We've never been apart for this long.
This is a bad time of year. I don't celebrate the holiday's but if I were to visit the mall, with all the reminders everywhere I know that it would just depress me knowing another year has passed without Tony.
Ever since I can remember New Years Eve has been remembered this way....My father, who's also no longer here, would gather all four of us kids and my mom would sit indian style on the floor, holding hands say a prayer. As I child I viewed this as OUR tradition. Dad would be silent, I know he was praying. He never told me what for but I figured it was to thank God Jehovah for another year passed that we're here, survived in one piece and to guide us and protect us for yet another year, keep us safe and together.
I carried on this tradition and the kids always indulged me. No matter where they were if they weren't already home with me they would stop where ever they were, most times with friends in tow come home and as the clock struck they'd be holding on to me.
The first year without Tony was bad, all I could do was cry saying over and over "my baby, my baby" as I held onto baby Alyssa. I don't know if I scared Tony and April C. or not but I needed that moment.
The second year I was at my inlaw's to be house Bev and Doug's. I held back the tears but got violently ill in their bathroom. I cleaned up after myself so I don't think anyone noticed. It must have been my nerves, holding my tears back gave me such a migrane.
The third time LD left his party, Solange and Schivone came home from the same party all so I wouldn't be alone.
This year LD took me out to dinner. Solange, My mom, Brian and me. Courtney was home getting ready for the party they were going to after dinner. Schivone wasn't with me. I think LD took me to dinner to ease his conscience. I told him he didn't have to do that. My mom and Solange got back to my mom's place. I felt very lonely. More than I thought I would. I missed having all my kids close.
This is a bad time of year. I don't celebrate the holiday's but if I were to visit the mall, with all the reminders everywhere I know that it would just depress me knowing another year has passed without Tony.
Ever since I can remember New Years Eve has been remembered this way....My father, who's also no longer here, would gather all four of us kids and my mom would sit indian style on the floor, holding hands say a prayer. As I child I viewed this as OUR tradition. Dad would be silent, I know he was praying. He never told me what for but I figured it was to thank God Jehovah for another year passed that we're here, survived in one piece and to guide us and protect us for yet another year, keep us safe and together.
I carried on this tradition and the kids always indulged me. No matter where they were if they weren't already home with me they would stop where ever they were, most times with friends in tow come home and as the clock struck they'd be holding on to me.
The first year without Tony was bad, all I could do was cry saying over and over "my baby, my baby" as I held onto baby Alyssa. I don't know if I scared Tony and April C. or not but I needed that moment.
The second year I was at my inlaw's to be house Bev and Doug's. I held back the tears but got violently ill in their bathroom. I cleaned up after myself so I don't think anyone noticed. It must have been my nerves, holding my tears back gave me such a migrane.
The third time LD left his party, Solange and Schivone came home from the same party all so I wouldn't be alone.
This year LD took me out to dinner. Solange, My mom, Brian and me. Courtney was home getting ready for the party they were going to after dinner. Schivone wasn't with me. I think LD took me to dinner to ease his conscience. I told him he didn't have to do that. My mom and Solange got back to my mom's place. I felt very lonely. More than I thought I would. I missed having all my kids close.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)