On April 13th this year it will be 5 yrs since I lost Tony. When I'm alone I still cry. People said it would get easy with time. How could they know? I still get stupid remarks like that. At first I thought it was a bad dream and I would wake up from this nightmare. And as I mentioned before I even made deals with God....please, I know nothing is impossible for you, please bring him back, let me wake up and him be here.
My first-born. He was with me and saw everything of the life and sacrifices we had to go through. As for his brother and sister's he was their hero. His siblings have more than missed him. LD is going through something now that I'm sure would've been easier had his brother and best-friend were here to talk to. LD trusted too easily after his brother passed. After only one month he thought he found someone he could trust but in the end, in May 2009 it will be 5 years and this person as he puts it is in the wrong line of work and should be bound for Hollywood.
LD will be OK, he's been through worse.

March 4, 1981

I welcomed my Tony into this world 28 years ago. He saved my life, he was my gift from God. I lost him too soon to say the least. He is resting and I pray to someday to see his beautiful smile again in paradise. I miss you so much my gorgeous baby.
Vovo said she dreamt of you last night you were covered with sweets. I love you so much.

Solange is home now. She got to finish the semester and now is just looking for where to do her externship. I'm so proud of my baby girl and I know Tony would be too. He's her inspiration she says. She always loved to bake for him. The way he'd light up as he bragged about his baby sister's creations to everyone, the way his face would light up when she made his favorites....I miss cooking for him too.

The little things are what I miss

The little things are what I miss
Bright smile on your face
Watching you go here or there
A gentle warm embrace

Sleeping very peacefully
With covers to your head
Knowing you were safe and sound
All snuggled in your bed

Enjoying all your favorite foods
Then planning what was next
You always had some place to go
Some special new project

listen to you say "what's up"
When answering a call
Heading out to join a friend
To meet or play some ball

Running up or down the stairs
"Hey mom I'll be right back"
Or standing by the counter
To have a little snack

Primping by the bathroom mirror
All ready for your night
Or hearing you outside my door
"Mom I'm home, goodnight"

The sound of your sweet laughter
As you watched a TV show
Or when I asked you something
You said "Mom I don't know"

"I won't be home for dinner
See you later, I love you"
The little things are what I miss
I really had no clue

In loving memory of Joey Sorenson 1/5/82-7/19/03
Lyndie Sorenson
©copyright 2007

I'm working on a temp job. A company that provides child care for parents who are trying to get back into the workforce.
I was talking to my boss, and she's the one who clued me in. I was asked to temp there to pull charts and make sure they're in order for audit.
They didn't have this "help" when I was first separated with 4 kids, the eldest, my Tony at 12. If they did I wasn't aware of the program or services.
Thank God for my son who would be interviewed and comments the social workers would give me were that my Tony was the most mature 12 year old they have ever met. I already knew this. A week before the tragic death of my son happened I was taking him to the Dr's office in Tampa and did get a chance to thank him again and tell him how much I appreciated him and if it were not for him I don't know how we would've made it through. Thank you Jehovah for answering my prayers before Tony was born. I got everything I asked for in my first born son. I just wish I had more time with him.
My boss asked me where "they" all are these days. I told her my eldest had passed away 4 years ago. Ld just got married and bought a new home, Schivone works hard working for the cable company and Solange works at Disney in Orlando and is going to school full time to be a cordon blue pastry chef. She said I did pretty good.
With Jehovah's help Tony and I did pretty good.

Holding on

There are those who, with good intentions, attempt to help those of us who grieve by removing from our lives reminders of what is gone. That is not what we want. These memories--these crumbs --are not something we wish to be done with. We want to remember.

One of the things I have learned about sorrow is that often we grieve most keenly for the loss of what we really never had but only anticipated. We are sustained in life so greatly by our hopes for the future, by projected scenarios involving ourselves and our loved ones, and when these fail to be realized we feel we have been deprived of what seems already rightfully ours.

As a youth and as a young adult, I had seen my grandfathers and then my grandmothers pass away. I cared for them, and would miss them, but they had fulfilled their years. The young especially do not grieve for long when death comes in timely fashion and releases the old from their burdens. But premature death is something else. When a loved one is erased even as he stands on the threshold of maturity, the event lacks the naturalness that could reconcile us to it.

I find it hard to express myself sometimes so this was taken from H. Wayne Schow, he too lost his beloved son.

I'm the mother of 4

I still feel I have 4 children. Some people have actually argued with me saying I only have three knowing my situation. Bully's. I do everything in 4's. I feel if I don't I'd be leaving one out. Tony is still a part of my life. Why do people do this?
I'm so sad all the time. I don't show it because I don't want to reveal this to my "other" children. I get silly. I laugh with my children but deep down I'm so sad. Tony's missing everything. Everything he'd be so proud of his brother and sister's for. Tony's life insurance money helped buy LD's house but he'd still be proud of him, he always was. He works hard. Schivone has been there for me, my comic relief, she's growing up. good job and independent. Solange is in school, the school of "le cordon bleu" and it's for something Tony was always bragging about her for, her baking. The first year she accomplished so much. She learned alot, even part of the honor's society, working full time for Disney and going to school M-F. Goes right to school from work.
Solange is in limbo right now trying to get a co-signer for 2nd semester. In the next 24 hours we find out if she can continue school or not. My Dad who is gone would be very proud of her too. He always pushed school, school and more school. My Dad did make money available for his grandchildren before he passed away but my sister is sitting on it. For the past 10 years now she's been sitting on it.
That's another story. Money changes people.
As of Nov. 2008 Solange was able to continue with school. She will be graduating with honors, I'm so proud of my baby girl.