My poor baby Chase. He's in the hospital right now. He's got tubes coming out of him, feeding tube, oxygen, IV. He caught a virus called RSV. Same as his Daddy had when he was a few months old. But LD was older and stronger. Chase is less than 4 weeks old. LD was having trouble breathing and I rushed him to All Children's Hospital but he was discharged within 24 hours. Chase's stay has taken longer. I hope withe that Jehovah watches over him, protects him and he will be home very soon. I love that little boy so much.

Chase Alexander Austin

Chase was born September 20, 2012 He's beautiful and too bad you're not here to share this with.  I went through so much to be able to hold him this past Sunday October 7th. And when I did have that chance to kiss and smell and hold him I didn't want to give him up. There's a promise to see him on Sunday October 14 after his "photo shoot". Seems like forever. I was already missing him when they left here.  He looks alittle like both his parents but we'll see as time goes on who he looks like the most.

Children are a trust from Jehovah

Your baby nephew was born thursday the 20 of September 2012. 7lbs 3 oz and 19 1/2 inches long. He's beautiful and healthy and belongs to Jehovah. I hope LD teaches him to love our creator. I wish you were here to share this with us Tony, you would've made a wonderful uncle.

My Tony

My Helper, My Hero.

I pray your name to be written down in Jehovah's book of remembrance.
(Malachi 3:16 and 17)

My Sacrifice

My Heart is Broken

Everything that I dreamed and more....

Saudade

A vida continua passando mas minha dor nunca teve fim.
Eu continuo sem respirar. Existe algo tampando minha garganta. Desisti de tentar entender oque aconteceu. Vivo no presente, o futuro não me importa e no passado não quero lembrar...existe uma ferida que doi toda vez que lembro. É dificil viver com este turbilhão de emoçoes que estranguila meu coração. O tempo nunca foi um remedio, é mas um tempo para me afundar.
Essa sua ausencia já me consumiu e eu nunca mais vou ser completa. A vida é cruel. Um filho é a essencia de viver. Uma mãe jamais deveria perder-lo
Espero realmente um dia depois de morrer ou sobreviver esse sistema poderia nos encontrar no paraíso.
Saudade meu filho que foi jovem e que não viveu o que deveria mas me deixou uma grande lembrança e força para eu continuar minha batalha.
Um amor verdadeiro continua até quando todo o resto se acaba.

Fragmentos do tempo

Filho querido Tony descança em paz. Pois apartir de agora estarás imune ao sofrimento. Quanto a mim, saibas que vou te amá-lo para sempre o mesmo amor que eu já lhe tinha desde que vivias em meu ventre. Jamais vou te esquecer. A tua lembrança será para mim como se ainda contiuasses a viver.
Todos os dias, meu filho vou fingir que estás apenas dormindo.
E soubre tudo meu filho vou tocar em tua pele, beijar teu rosto, vou sentir teu abraço bem apertado. Vou rezar e chorar feito louca diante de teu retrato. Não vou deixar de te amar nunca.

What hurts the most

I really don't know how I made it through....first the anniversary of my son's birth March 4th and then anniversary of my father dying April 9th, 1999 and (I'm sorry Dad) the worst of all, the anniversary of my son's death, April 13th 2004. Here it's been 8 years now and I still wonder what I could've done differently, if I could go back in time....I miss him so very much. I am having trouble with my other son though. I know if Tony was here thinkgs would be so diffeent. He listened to Tony better than he ever listened to me. I've always been such a push over. I think that's the expression. David's life has been hit and looks completely upside down. He seems to have made all the wrong decisions. Bottom of the barrel in every aspect of his life. Jeremiah 10:23 "....it does not belong to man who is walking even to direct his step." Today I found out thatI'll be a grandmother again in a few months to a baby boy. His 2nd. He pays his child support regularly to his firstborn but isn't there for his boy (body and soul) who is now 7. He was introduced to his son when he was 4 and the relatonship only lasted a year. I hope now that he is having another boy things will change for the better and he will be a Dad to both. It makes me so sad for my grandson. With Tony here this situation would not exist. LD lost his best friend, he told me so that night with tears in his eyes. That was the first time I ever saw LD cry. He saw his brother's lifeless body in a pool of blood on the floor that day and when he closes his eyes it's all he sees still. When he lays his head to sleep and closes his eyes it's all he can see. He takes meds to sleep. I know that has alot to do with the look of despair I see in his eyes. No one to trust or to confide in like he could with his brother once upon a time. His friends aren't around anymore. They've gotten older, now have their own lives. He needs to realize the only one that can help him now is Jehovah. Galations 4:9 "But now that you have come to know God or rather now that you have come to be known by God, how is it that you are turning back again to the weak and beggarly elementary things and want to slave for them over again?"

Tribute to Tony by Cris Madden

Some don't believe me when I say Tony made an impact on other peoples lives. You're in my heart Cris.

Saudades.

Today my baby would've turned 31. All I keep thinking is I've gotta be good, I've gotta be good. I miss him so much but I think of that scripture in Rev. 21:4 No more tears, pain....And also John 5:28 and 29 ....all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out. I pray every night that Tony's name is written down in Jehovah's book of life. My cousin Ivan wrote something so sweet today for me...."A saudade é a memória do coração." It's so true. Thank's Ivan.