I really don't know how I made it through....first the anniversary of my son's birth March 4th and then anniversary of my father dying April 9th, 1999 and (I'm sorry Dad) the worst of all, the anniversary of my son's death, April 13th 2004. Here it's been 8 years now and I still wonder what I could've done differently, if I could go back in time....I miss him so very much. I am having trouble with my other son though. I know if Tony was here thinkgs would be so diffeent. He listened to Tony better than he ever listened to me. I've always been such a push over. I think that's the expression. David's life has been hit and looks completely upside down. He seems to have made all the wrong decisions. Bottom of the barrel in every aspect of his life. Jeremiah 10:23 "....it does not belong to man who is walking even to direct his step." Today I found out thatI'll be a grandmother again in a few months to a baby boy. His 2nd. He pays his child support regularly to his firstborn but isn't there for his boy (body and soul) who is now 7. He was introduced to his son when he was 4 and the relatonship only lasted a year. I hope now that he is having another boy things will change for the better and he will be a Dad to both. It makes me so sad for my grandson. With Tony here this situation would not exist. LD lost his best friend, he told me so that night with tears in his eyes. That was the first time I ever saw LD cry. He saw his brother's lifeless body in a pool of blood on the floor that day and when he closes his eyes it's all he sees still. When he lays his head to sleep and closes his eyes it's all he can see. He takes meds to sleep. I know that has alot to do with the look of despair I see in his eyes. No one to trust or to confide in like he could with his brother once upon a time. His friends aren't around anymore. They've gotten older, now have their own lives. He needs to realize the only one that can help him now is Jehovah. Galations 4:9 "But now that you have come to know God or rather now that you have come to be known by God, how is it that you are turning back again to the weak and beggarly elementary things and want to slave for them over again?"