I've been going out of my mind lately....

This website has helped me:

http://www.watchtower.org/e/20080701/article_02.htm

Uncle Tony

Today my grandbaby came to visit. We swam at the pool here in the resort and had a great time. I wish Tony would've been here. We learned today that my grandbaby's grandpa on his maternal side is 6'7" and with Tony being 6'5" last time he was measured at the Dr's office and my grandbaby already being off and beyond the charts he will also be tall.
I'm glad I saved some of Tony's clothes so I can show my grandbaby how tall his uncle Tony got to be. He still wasn't done growing either!!
I only wish Tony had been here. They would have had such fun getting to know eachother.

We get knocked down but we get back up again

Somebody once said that through life sometimes you trip and fall, you get up and then sometimes trip and fall again, the important thing is you get up and keep walking. This is true but sometimes you need someone to help you up, someone to hold onto, to help you get a grip and walk with you, support you, help you take these steps and sometimes even show you how to walk again. I didn't have this. The first year it was as if people kept knocking me down. Even telling me it was time enough for me to have gotten "over it", "life goes on". Since that day I still feel the wounds, still feel I need this help and afraid to ask, to show my pain. These are pains along with what "normal" people have to deal with in life. In today's system of things when don't lack in problems along with everyone else.
But I died that day along with my son. I'm not sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I'm not asking anyone to make it easier for me, just be alittle more considerate, conscience of what I've been through or anyone has been through before they act or say something stupid. It just shocks me sometimes to know that these people exist, they hurt you with their words and all you wish sometimes is that they would shut up. You feel dead already and they're just digging your grave.
I know every mother feels this way when I say my son was different, and every child IS! I lost my right arm. I lost the person most like me in this world. Sometimes I can't stand myself so it's weird saying this.
Tony understood me in the truest sense of the word. No one will ever understand me like that. I miss you my son. I pray one day to see your smiling face again one day in paradise. Perfect, no more death, mourning or pain or tears, the former things all passed away, just as Jehovah has promised. Revelation 21:4

"Happy Mother's Day"

Today the world celebrates Mother's Day. It is a bittersweet day for me. I miss Tony so much everyday. I feel like I am going above and beyond just being here everyday. I ask Jehovah for the will to keep going everyday. I am a mother 4 times afterall.
I saw the movie today that depicted Biggie Small and Tupac. A few times in the movie we were given clues that Biggie's mom was a sister. Christopher as his mom referred to him even used Jehovah's name. I remember when Biggie's mom was interviewed once after her son was murdered and her saying how she missed him, missed cooking for him....missed him. I felt a connection to her then. But now even more. In the movie driving back from the funeral or on the way to, she was holding the same bible I use from the WTBTS. I hope that she feels the same and it gives her comfort to know that she too has that hope of some day seeing her son's smile again as I do.
Just before he passed away he did have a chance to remind everyone close to him he loved them and wanted to "wipe the slate clean".
I have with me the last words Tony uttered to me on the phone the night before he was murdered. "I love you mom, I love you." So, thank you Jehovah.
Tony was everything I prayed to Jehovah for and more. Even though he didn't have a father around to teach him how to be a Man, thank's to Jehovah he had a good foundation and became a man. So, I thank Jehovah for that and so much more.