"God only knows what I'd be without you...."

When I would think of my children and how much I love them and lived only for them one of the songs that come to mind is from the Beach Boys "God only knows". I love my children so much. But since Tony's been gone I feel like I'm in a zombie state. It's like I've reached that part of the lyrics where it says,
"If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
God only knows what I'd be without you."
As a mother I had found no other greater love, real love, on this earth. But then you lose your child in some unnatural way, a part of you also dies. I go on as everyone expects me to but I'm not living, 'the world could show nothing to me' now. Everything has been thrown out of balance. My lust for life is gone. I just exist.

She's the Baby

My Baby turned 20 this week (August). Tony would've been so proud of his little sister. LD had a theme party for her at his house. The theme was "Disco". When I saw the photos it looked more like they took their cue from the Austin Powers trilogy movies, the "60's". Solange, LD, Joe, Schivone and Chris M. looked like they had it right but as far as the others they looked more like the "60's" GO-GO dancers. What's hilarious is when I tried to give my input, they said they got their idea from the internet. But hello? I was there, "back in the day" I know what I was wearing. The internet wan't even invented yet. Kids, they know everything.