I'm working on a temp job. A company that provides child care for parents who are trying to get back into the workforce.
I was talking to my boss, and she's the one who clued me in. I was asked to temp there to pull charts and make sure they're in order for audit.
They didn't have this "help" when I was first separated with 4 kids, the eldest, my Tony at 12. If they did I wasn't aware of the program or services.
Thank God for my son who would be interviewed and comments the social workers would give me were that my Tony was the most mature 12 year old they have ever met. I already knew this. A week before the tragic death of my son happened I was taking him to the Dr's office in Tampa and did get a chance to thank him again and tell him how much I appreciated him and if it were not for him I don't know how we would've made it through. Thank you Jehovah for answering my prayers before Tony was born. I got everything I asked for in my first born son. I just wish I had more time with him.
My boss asked me where "they" all are these days. I told her my eldest had passed away 4 years ago. Ld just got married and bought a new home, Schivone works hard working for the cable company and Solange works at Disney in Orlando and is going to school full time to be a cordon blue pastry chef. She said I did pretty good.
With Jehovah's help Tony and I did pretty good.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Holding on
There are those who, with good intentions, attempt to help those of us who grieve by removing from our lives reminders of what is gone. That is not what we want. These memories--these crumbs --are not something we wish to be done with. We want to remember.
One of the things I have learned about sorrow is that often we grieve most keenly for the loss of what we really never had but only anticipated. We are sustained in life so greatly by our hopes for the future, by projected scenarios involving ourselves and our loved ones, and when these fail to be realized we feel we have been deprived of what seems already rightfully ours.
As a youth and as a young adult, I had seen my grandfathers and then my grandmothers pass away. I cared for them, and would miss them, but they had fulfilled their years. The young especially do not grieve for long when death comes in timely fashion and releases the old from their burdens. But premature death is something else. When a loved one is erased even as he stands on the threshold of maturity, the event lacks the naturalness that could reconcile us to it.
I find it hard to express myself sometimes so this was taken from H. Wayne Schow, he too lost his beloved son.
One of the things I have learned about sorrow is that often we grieve most keenly for the loss of what we really never had but only anticipated. We are sustained in life so greatly by our hopes for the future, by projected scenarios involving ourselves and our loved ones, and when these fail to be realized we feel we have been deprived of what seems already rightfully ours.
As a youth and as a young adult, I had seen my grandfathers and then my grandmothers pass away. I cared for them, and would miss them, but they had fulfilled their years. The young especially do not grieve for long when death comes in timely fashion and releases the old from their burdens. But premature death is something else. When a loved one is erased even as he stands on the threshold of maturity, the event lacks the naturalness that could reconcile us to it.
I find it hard to express myself sometimes so this was taken from H. Wayne Schow, he too lost his beloved son.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
I'm the mother of 4
I still feel I have 4 children. Some people have actually argued with me saying I only have three knowing my situation. Bully's. I do everything in 4's. I feel if I don't I'd be leaving one out. Tony is still a part of my life. Why do people do this?
I'm so sad all the time. I don't show it because I don't want to reveal this to my "other" children. I get silly. I laugh with my children but deep down I'm so sad. Tony's missing everything. Everything he'd be so proud of his brother and sister's for. Tony's life insurance money helped buy LD's house but he'd still be proud of him, he always was. He works hard. Schivone has been there for me, my comic relief, she's growing up. good job and independent. Solange is in school, the school of "le cordon bleu" and it's for something Tony was always bragging about her for, her baking. The first year she accomplished so much. She learned alot, even part of the honor's society, working full time for Disney and going to school M-F. Goes right to school from work.
Solange is in limbo right now trying to get a co-signer for 2nd semester. In the next 24 hours we find out if she can continue school or not. My Dad who is gone would be very proud of her too. He always pushed school, school and more school. My Dad did make money available for his grandchildren before he passed away but my sister is sitting on it. For the past 10 years now she's been sitting on it.
That's another story. Money changes people.
As of Nov. 2008 Solange was able to continue with school. She will be graduating with honors, I'm so proud of my baby girl.
I'm so sad all the time. I don't show it because I don't want to reveal this to my "other" children. I get silly. I laugh with my children but deep down I'm so sad. Tony's missing everything. Everything he'd be so proud of his brother and sister's for. Tony's life insurance money helped buy LD's house but he'd still be proud of him, he always was. He works hard. Schivone has been there for me, my comic relief, she's growing up. good job and independent. Solange is in school, the school of "le cordon bleu" and it's for something Tony was always bragging about her for, her baking. The first year she accomplished so much. She learned alot, even part of the honor's society, working full time for Disney and going to school M-F. Goes right to school from work.
Solange is in limbo right now trying to get a co-signer for 2nd semester. In the next 24 hours we find out if she can continue school or not. My Dad who is gone would be very proud of her too. He always pushed school, school and more school. My Dad did make money available for his grandchildren before he passed away but my sister is sitting on it. For the past 10 years now she's been sitting on it.
That's another story. Money changes people.
As of Nov. 2008 Solange was able to continue with school. She will be graduating with honors, I'm so proud of my baby girl.
Monday, July 7, 2008
The Myth of Getting Over It by Steven Kalas
When our first child is born, a loud voice says,
"Runners, take your marks!" We hear the
starting gun and the race begins. It's a race we
must win at all cost. We have to win. The competition
is called "I'll race you to the grave." I'm
currently racing three sons. I really want to
win.
Not everyone wins.
I'm soon going on stage to speak before a
crowd of parents and loved ones impacted by
the death of a child. My address is titled, "The
Myth of Getting Over it." It's my attempt to answer
the driving questions of grieving parents:
When will I get over this? How do I get over
This?
You don't get over it. Getting over it is an inappropriate
goal. An unreasonable hope.
The loss of a child changes you. It changes
your marriage. It changes the way birds sing.
It changes the way the sun rises and sets. You
are forever different.
You don't want to get over it. Don't act
surprised. As awful a burden as grief is,
you know intuitively that it matters, that it
is profoundly important to be grieving.
Your grief plays a crucial part in staying
connected to your child's life. To give up
your grief would mean losing your child yet
again. If I had the power to take your grief
away, you'd fight me to keep it. Your grief
is awful, but it is also holy. And somewhere
inside you, you know that.
The goal is not to get over it. The goal is
to get on with it.
Profound grief is like being in a stage play
wherein suddenly the stagehands push a
huge grand piano into the middle of the
set. The piano paralyzes the play. It dominates
the stage. No matter where you
move, it impedes your sight lines, your
blocking, your ability to interact with the
other players. You keep banging into it,
surprised each time that it's still there. It
takes all your concentration to work
around it, this at a time when you have little
ability or desire to concentrate on anything.
The piano changes everything. The entire
Play must be rewritten around it. But
over time the piano is pushed to stage left.
Then to upper stage left. You are the playwright,
and slowly, surely, you begin to find
the impetus and wherewithal to stop reacting
to the intrusive piano. Instead, you engage
it. Instead of writing every scene
around the piano, you begin to write the
piano into each scene into the story.
You learn to play that piano. You're surprised
to find that you want to play, that it's meaningful,
even peaceful to play it.
"Runners, take your marks!" We hear the
starting gun and the race begins. It's a race we
must win at all cost. We have to win. The competition
is called "I'll race you to the grave." I'm
currently racing three sons. I really want to
win.
Not everyone wins.
I'm soon going on stage to speak before a
crowd of parents and loved ones impacted by
the death of a child. My address is titled, "The
Myth of Getting Over it." It's my attempt to answer
the driving questions of grieving parents:
When will I get over this? How do I get over
This?
You don't get over it. Getting over it is an inappropriate
goal. An unreasonable hope.
The loss of a child changes you. It changes
your marriage. It changes the way birds sing.
It changes the way the sun rises and sets. You
are forever different.
You don't want to get over it. Don't act
surprised. As awful a burden as grief is,
you know intuitively that it matters, that it
is profoundly important to be grieving.
Your grief plays a crucial part in staying
connected to your child's life. To give up
your grief would mean losing your child yet
again. If I had the power to take your grief
away, you'd fight me to keep it. Your grief
is awful, but it is also holy. And somewhere
inside you, you know that.
The goal is not to get over it. The goal is
to get on with it.
Profound grief is like being in a stage play
wherein suddenly the stagehands push a
huge grand piano into the middle of the
set. The piano paralyzes the play. It dominates
the stage. No matter where you
move, it impedes your sight lines, your
blocking, your ability to interact with the
other players. You keep banging into it,
surprised each time that it's still there. It
takes all your concentration to work
around it, this at a time when you have little
ability or desire to concentrate on anything.
The piano changes everything. The entire
Play must be rewritten around it. But
over time the piano is pushed to stage left.
Then to upper stage left. You are the playwright,
and slowly, surely, you begin to find
the impetus and wherewithal to stop reacting
to the intrusive piano. Instead, you engage
it. Instead of writing every scene
around the piano, you begin to write the
piano into each scene into the story.
You learn to play that piano. You're surprised
to find that you want to play, that it's meaningful,
even peaceful to play it.
A Moment of Happiness....
As I previously posted my son was married on May 24, 2008. The wedding was very beautiful and I am so happy my son is happy and I couldn't have asked for nicer in-laws. My son got married this day, there was some really happy moments. I know I cried but I also smiled alot, even laughed, danced, did the conga line, so happy to see some of my family I hadn't seen in so long some I haven't seen in almost 10 years as in Dustin's case (my nephew). Did I have a right to be so happy? According to some people because I showed this emotion I shouldn't be complaining about my loss, afterall I looked like I was having such a good time. Why do I have to justify myself?
I really didn't think I would be able to show such emotion again. I still hurt and feel a loss so great I'm not even going into it right now but me having a good time doesn't mean I'm over it. I'm so confused about the reaction of this person I can't even put it into words.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
I've Been Having these Dreams lately....
In my dreams I am constantly looking for Tony. There are even people in my dreams helping me look for Tony. To describe it though is like a tv program where yes, I'm looking for Tony, people there enlisted to help, challenges along the way, things are learned. Very strange, these dreams are sometimes every night, sometimes once in awhile.
I haven't logged in lately. Didn't know how to make the announcement of my second born son getting married. It was very beautiful, she's beautiful and my son looked like a movie star all dressed up. He was so happy that day you could see it in his face, eyes, smile. Needless to say I know Tony would've been very proud of his little brother. LD told me if Tony had been there he would have been best man.
LD walked me to my seat, I thought he would have been too busy as the groom for that. It surprised me. I sat in the front row with my daughters and my mother on the grooms side. I watched my son as he stood there and started to think about how far he's come, from a little wrapped up bundle in my arms to this grown man infront of me. Who was he? My son. He stood there with this smile on his face and bright eyes, a smile so beautiful and he looked so gorgeous. Images of my baby went through my mind from that bundle of happiness til now and I had to keep telling myself "don't do it, don't do it" I was thinking....don't cry. I started to look around me for familiar faces, my daughters were glowing they were so beautiful. My mother too all dressed in gold lace. I looked behind me, my ex-husband with his girlfriend. It was the first time I've ever seen him in a tux. I looked down the second row, looked like Aulia, her Dad, at first glance it looked like she brought someone with her. I turned around, looked again, he looked familiar, I turned again and Solange told me "....that's Dustin!" (my nephew) I looked again and it was!! I reached out to him and held his hand and wispered "te amo" to him....this means I love you in portuguese, and he wispered "te amo" back to me. I looked again forward again to my son David (LD), breathed deeply and from there I couldn't hold back. I felt it all at that point. I so wanted Tony to be here, LD infront of me and Dustin behind me and there....the foodgates were open. I couldn't stop. LD came to me and said to me "I love you Mom" it makes me want to cry again just reading this and then the music started. She is beautiful. Courtney came down in a glass elevator to meet her father waiting for her to give her to my son. He is marrying into a nice family, I really couldn't have asked for better in-laws. they always make me feel comfortable. "Bev and Doug". I'm still sitting there trying to stop crying and someone brings me a tissue. Half way through the vows the photographer is blocking my view. It's like I was invisible. Didn't he realize what he was doing? I was missing it! Doug even tried to tell him to move and he didn't!!
As much as I hated missing this part it did give me time to compose myself.
Then it was over, they didn't want the exchange of vows to be long and it wasn't.
After that we all retired to the outer room to be announced, LD and Courtney went up the elevator, it was picture time.
The wedding was very beautiful thanks to Bev and Doug.
I haven't logged in lately. Didn't know how to make the announcement of my second born son getting married. It was very beautiful, she's beautiful and my son looked like a movie star all dressed up. He was so happy that day you could see it in his face, eyes, smile. Needless to say I know Tony would've been very proud of his little brother. LD told me if Tony had been there he would have been best man.
LD walked me to my seat, I thought he would have been too busy as the groom for that. It surprised me. I sat in the front row with my daughters and my mother on the grooms side. I watched my son as he stood there and started to think about how far he's come, from a little wrapped up bundle in my arms to this grown man infront of me. Who was he? My son. He stood there with this smile on his face and bright eyes, a smile so beautiful and he looked so gorgeous. Images of my baby went through my mind from that bundle of happiness til now and I had to keep telling myself "don't do it, don't do it" I was thinking....don't cry. I started to look around me for familiar faces, my daughters were glowing they were so beautiful. My mother too all dressed in gold lace. I looked behind me, my ex-husband with his girlfriend. It was the first time I've ever seen him in a tux. I looked down the second row, looked like Aulia, her Dad, at first glance it looked like she brought someone with her. I turned around, looked again, he looked familiar, I turned again and Solange told me "....that's Dustin!" (my nephew) I looked again and it was!! I reached out to him and held his hand and wispered "te amo" to him....this means I love you in portuguese, and he wispered "te amo" back to me. I looked again forward again to my son David (LD), breathed deeply and from there I couldn't hold back. I felt it all at that point. I so wanted Tony to be here, LD infront of me and Dustin behind me and there....the foodgates were open. I couldn't stop. LD came to me and said to me "I love you Mom" it makes me want to cry again just reading this and then the music started. She is beautiful. Courtney came down in a glass elevator to meet her father waiting for her to give her to my son. He is marrying into a nice family, I really couldn't have asked for better in-laws. they always make me feel comfortable. "Bev and Doug". I'm still sitting there trying to stop crying and someone brings me a tissue. Half way through the vows the photographer is blocking my view. It's like I was invisible. Didn't he realize what he was doing? I was missing it! Doug even tried to tell him to move and he didn't!!
As much as I hated missing this part it did give me time to compose myself.
Then it was over, they didn't want the exchange of vows to be long and it wasn't.
After that we all retired to the outer room to be announced, LD and Courtney went up the elevator, it was picture time.
The wedding was very beautiful thanks to Bev and Doug.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Alot has been happening at the homefront....
Everyday I think of my baby, I go by the house of the new owner of the Expedition twice everyday. No, I'm not stalking the new owners like my kids like to say. It's on the way to and from my job so....I don't know if it's good or bad to do this but I feel bad when I miss a day, they keep it in the garage so sometimes I'm disappointed but when the garage door is open I see it and just go "awww". Is this sick? I really don't care if it is. I feel closer to him when I do see the SUV.
It's been kind of rough these months, more than usual from March to May. My Tony was born on the 4th of March and that day when I lost him was on the 13th of April. Tony's wake was the 15th of May. I lost my father on the 9th of April in 1999. I named my Tony after my Dad. These months I guess are the worst. I miss him terribly every day. Time keeps going and it's like I left him back there in 2004 at 23. Now I have my other son David who will be 23 on July 26 this year. He will be married this coming saturday the 24th of May. Tony would've been Best Man at this wedding. There's no question LD said, the brothers were so close. I love LD but I'm sort of going through the motions. I know it's a special day for him but LD and Courtney have been together for 4 years. They met right after the accident. You can say we pushed them together my mother my daughters and I. We thought she was a good girl from the start. Solange was the one who helped LD pick out the engagement ring.
Solange has been attending the Cordon Bleu Culinary Academy in Orlando. She made "Honor Role" this very first grading period. I'm so proud of her and I know Tony would be too, he'd be beaming. Afterall, he helped me raise her.
It's been kind of rough these months, more than usual from March to May. My Tony was born on the 4th of March and that day when I lost him was on the 13th of April. Tony's wake was the 15th of May. I lost my father on the 9th of April in 1999. I named my Tony after my Dad. These months I guess are the worst. I miss him terribly every day. Time keeps going and it's like I left him back there in 2004 at 23. Now I have my other son David who will be 23 on July 26 this year. He will be married this coming saturday the 24th of May. Tony would've been Best Man at this wedding. There's no question LD said, the brothers were so close. I love LD but I'm sort of going through the motions. I know it's a special day for him but LD and Courtney have been together for 4 years. They met right after the accident. You can say we pushed them together my mother my daughters and I. We thought she was a good girl from the start. Solange was the one who helped LD pick out the engagement ring.
Solange has been attending the Cordon Bleu Culinary Academy in Orlando. She made "Honor Role" this very first grading period. I'm so proud of her and I know Tony would be too, he'd be beaming. Afterall, he helped me raise her.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
From April marking Tony's "anniversary"
In about one hour will mark the 4 yr anniversary of my brothers death. i miss him so much and pray that he is looking down upon everyone smiling. this is a poem that i wrote for him last year and would love anyone and everyone to read it if they havent already.
it is on my page already but i have added a little
more to it now that i have a son.... this sums up just about how i feel..
WHERE DO I START?
NOBODY KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU
REALLY MEANT TO ME-
I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW I
CAN MAKE THEM SEE-
THAT I LOVED YOU SO MUCH AND ARE
A BIG PART OF MY HEART-
FOR ALWAYS AND FOREVER EVEN
THOUGH WE ARE APART-
I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU,
YOUR STRENGTHS AND YOUR FLAWS-
AND NOW THAT I AM WITHOUT YOU
I FEEL SO EMPTY AND SMALL-
I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND DREAM
OF YOU NEAR-
BUT WHEN I WAKE UP ALL I
CAN SEE ARE TEARS-
YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME
WHEN I NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO-
YOU WOULD HOLD ME CLOSE AND
SAY "GIRL YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU"-
YOU USED TO TELL ME THAT EVERYTHING
WOULD BE OK-
YOU WOULD HOLD ME TIGHT AND
WIPE MY TEARS AWAY-
I KEEP WAITING FOR YOUR PHONE
CALL ASKING IF I CAN TALK-
AND SEE IF I CAN COME OVER SO
WE CAN GO ON OUR LONG WALK-
I CHERISH EVERY MEMORY AND
MOMENT THAT WE SPENT TOGETHER-
I WILL HOLD THEM IN MY HEART
FOR ALWAYS AND FOREVER-
I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY
YOU HAD TO GO AWAY-
AND WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT I COULD
OF DONE TO HAVE MADE YOU STAY-
I WILL ALWAYS WONDER, "WHAT IF
I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE?"-
WOULD I HAVE TO SAY I LOVE YOU
ONLY THROUGH MY PRAYERS?-
THERE IS NOTHING I WOULDNT GIVE
TO BE ABLE TO GO BACK IN TIME-
JUST TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU
AND HOLD YOU JUST ONE MORE TIME-
YOU HELD EVERYONE TOGETHER THAT
MUCH I CAN SAY IS TRUE-
YOU MEANT SO MUCH TO EVERYONE
AND WISH TO SEE YOU SOON-
I CANT IMAGINE WHAT MY LIFE WOULD
HAVE BEEN LIKE WITHOUT YOU-
I JUST WISH THAT MY DAUGHTER COULD
HAVE KNOWN WHAT THAT WAS LIKE TOO-
SHE WILL ALWAYS KNOW WHO YOU ARE-
SO WHEN SHE DOES FINALLY MEET YOU
YOU CAN HOLD HER IN YOUR ARMS-
ANOTHER YEAR HAS GONE BY
AND NOW I HAVE A SON-
I KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN
HEAVEN SMILING FROM ABOVE-
EVEN THOUGH HE HAS NEVER
MET YOU FACE TO FACE-
I KNOW THAT WHEN HE LOOKS UP ABOVE
AND SMILES, HE IS LOOKING UPON YOUR FACE-
I WISH THAT YOU WERE HERE TO HELP
TEACH HIM ALL ABOUT THINGS IN LIFE-
GUIDING HIM THROUGH THE HARD TIMES
AND NOT LETTING HIM LOSE SITE-
SOMEONE HE COULD CONFIDE IN WHEN
MOMMY AND DADDY DONT UNDERSTAND-
TO CATCH HIM WHEN HE FALLS OR JUST
NEEDS A LOVING HAND-
I KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE THERE IN SPIRIT
TO GUIDE THEM THROUGH THE GOOD AND THE BAD-
YOU WILL BE THERE IN THEIR HEARTS WHEN
THEY ARE FEELING ALONE AND SAD-
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WITH THEM EVEN THOUGH
YOU ARE APART-
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WITH US IN SPIRIT
AND IN OUR HEARTS-
I LOVE YOU TONY
IN MEMORY OF ANTONIO
03-04-1981 TO 04-13-2004
WRITTEN BY APRIL
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Tony's Birth Day
I have been wanting to come here and write something for my baby but it's been so hard. On March 4th 1981 I gave birth to my beautiful boy who grew into such a handsome Man. A Man with morals and standards, decency and honor. I couldn't be more proud. I have always been so proud.
The loss, the void is there, can't hide from it. Time really doesn't heal. not this kind of pain. It's so hard for me to wake up every morning. But I think about him every second.
I found the new owner to Tony's expedition. I found the truck on the way to work one morning when I was trying a new short cut. Now, needless to say, I take that way to work and come home that way everyday. I pass the house, the expedition is pretty much always there when I pass. I say to myself "there's my baby's truck" everytime I see it. If I could I'd buy it back, fix it up.
March usually starts off the "more depressed months". I struggle everyday but March is when he was born, April is when I lost both my Dad (the 9th) and my son (the 13th).
Tony is Dad's namesake, Antonio. Dad died at 66, also too young. I wish they were both still here.
Ld will be married in May and Tony won't be here. Solange wants me to wear Tony's brown suit jacket. I want to take his hat. I may take both, reserve a seat and place his things on it.
I pray Jehovah give me the strength to go on for the rest. But I'd rather go to sleep and end the pain.
The loss, the void is there, can't hide from it. Time really doesn't heal. not this kind of pain. It's so hard for me to wake up every morning. But I think about him every second.
I found the new owner to Tony's expedition. I found the truck on the way to work one morning when I was trying a new short cut. Now, needless to say, I take that way to work and come home that way everyday. I pass the house, the expedition is pretty much always there when I pass. I say to myself "there's my baby's truck" everytime I see it. If I could I'd buy it back, fix it up.
March usually starts off the "more depressed months". I struggle everyday but March is when he was born, April is when I lost both my Dad (the 9th) and my son (the 13th).
Tony is Dad's namesake, Antonio. Dad died at 66, also too young. I wish they were both still here.
Ld will be married in May and Tony won't be here. Solange wants me to wear Tony's brown suit jacket. I want to take his hat. I may take both, reserve a seat and place his things on it.
I pray Jehovah give me the strength to go on for the rest. But I'd rather go to sleep and end the pain.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
HOW WISH YOU WERE HERE MY TONY
WISH YOU WERE HERE by PINK FLOYED
So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell,
blue skies from pain.
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail? A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?
And did they get you trade your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees? Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change? And did you exchange
a walk on part in the war for a lead role in a cage?
How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl,
year after year,
running over the same old ground. What have we found?
The same old fears,
wish you were here.
Friday, January 18, 2008
translations....
To know me is to understand that I speak two languages, portuguese and english. I grew up in the USA but I was born in Brazil to a brazilian family immigrated to the USA but lived in a brazilian community so sometimes it is easier for me to express myself and how I'm feeling in one language more than the other. Just bear with me. If you want a translation, you know where I am.
Carinhos....
This is me and my Baby lovin' on his momma, his Má like he used to call me. It took me so long to be able to get my sister to send me this but I finally have it. I remember the day we took this. I've been asking for it since he went away. Almost 4 years. I can't believe it's been 4 yrs. I hate to think about the time lost without him. It's like time went on and he's still there in April 13, 2004. I love this boy. The pain is so hard to bear. I always wish I was with him. I never thought it could happen to "us" . I'll never think like that again.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Tristeza não tem fim....
A FELICIDADE
Tristeza não tem fim, felicidade sim.
A felicidade é como a gota de orvalho numa pétala de flor
Brilha tranquila depois de leve oscila e cai como uma lágrima de amor.
A felicidade do pobre parece a grande ilusão do carnaval
A gente trabalha o ano inteiro por um momento de sonho
Pra fazer a fantasia de rei ou de pirata ou jardineira pra tudo se acabar na quarta feira.
Tristeza não tem fim, felicidade sim.
A felicidade é como a pluma que o vento vai levando pelo ar
Voa tão leve Mas tem a vida breve precisa que haja vento sem parar.
A minha felicidade está sonhando nos olhos da minha namorada
É como esta noite passando, passando em busca da madrugada
Falem baixo, por favor prá que ela acorde alegre como o dia
Oferecendo beijos de amor tristeza não tem fim Felicidade sim....
There is no end to sadness, there is to happiness.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
2008 another New Year
I'm missing you so much my baby boy. I love you and think about you constantly in whatever I do. Everything reminds me of you. Another year has come and gone without you, I can't believe I'm still here. You will forever live in my heart.
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