"It's really very simple"

From time to time I find a poem that I can relate to by another woman who has suffered a great loss. Lyndie is usually right on.

It's really very simple
My life is not the same
I cry when no ones looking...
from all this hidden pain

Can't show it when I'm working
Not when I'm with my kids
It's really very simple
To everyone it's hid

I'll fool you with my smile
I've learned how to deny
It's really very simple
I never show I cry

Although my life is troubled
I never show the truth
The world thinks I'm much better...
for grieving is uncouth

Each morning I awaken
First thing right out of bed
This sorrow that's kept secret
It's simply just not said

Can't share it with my parent...
not a neighbor or a friend
It's really very simple
No one can comprehend

It's really very simple
Only those that share this fate

Can see right through my smile
With them I can be straight

In loving memory of Joey and his heavenly buddies
Lyndie
Copyright ©April 2009

Memories

If we could have a lifetime wish
A dream that would come true,
We'd pray to God with all our hearts
For yesterday and You.
A thousand words can't bring you back
We know because we've tried....
Neither will a thousand tears
We know because we've cried....
You left behind our broken hearts
And happy memories too....
But we never wanted memories
We only wanted You.

Remembering

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one who died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing,
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you keep silent,
Pretending he didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that he has been missed.
You ask me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine."
But healing is something ongoing.
I feel it will take a lifetime.



Elizabeth Dent

5 years

Today marked 5years since she killed my son. April 15, 2004 my son was shot in the heart. She left him there to bleed to death and every year I remember all the promises he made and all my dreams died.
It's so hard to control my emotions during this time. My son was my dream come true. The best son a mother could ever ask for but he was also my friend. You can see how special and the mark made in all his friends lives. They still make me feel special, they still call me.
As sad as this day is for me my other son LD made me so proud today. It was his 3rd visit with his son and he told him he was his father.
A re-birth. I was very happy for my son, so proud of him. Tony would've been proud too.

I've missed him so much lately. I've been very emotional. This thursday will be 10 years since my Dad passed away and the 13th will be the 5th anniversary for my son. It hurts so much to feel the time go by. It's like I'm leaving him back there in 2004. Sometimes I can go on and on about him in conversation with a dry eye but then sometimes I can say 2 words and the tears start to fall.
Solange has been making some beautiful wedding cakes for some of these weddings happening at the palace grand even and we were remembering how Tony used to brag about Solange's baking showing proof of how it was made from scratch opening up her "baking ingredients cabinet". How proud he would be of her now having attended the Orlando Culinary Academy and graduating soon, doing her externship and even her bosses amazed at how beautiful her cakes are. That made us both cry.
It's been really hard lately to hold back. The Memorial is tomorrow and that is the last time he was at the Kingdom Hall. He passed away days later.
I miss my baby so much but there is the hope I'll see his smile again.