"God only knows what I'd be without you...."

When I would think of my children and how much I love them and lived only for them one of the songs that come to mind is from the Beach Boys "God only knows". I love my children so much. But since Tony's been gone I feel like I'm in a zombie state. It's like I've reached that part of the lyrics where it says,
"If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
So what good would living do me
God only knows what I'd be without you."
As a mother I had found no other greater love, real love, on this earth. But then you lose your child in some unnatural way, a part of you also dies. I go on as everyone expects me to but I'm not living, 'the world could show nothing to me' now. Everything has been thrown out of balance. My lust for life is gone. I just exist.