From April marking Tony's "anniversary"

In about one hour will mark the 4 yr anniversary of my brothers death. i miss him so much and pray that he is looking down upon everyone smiling. this is a poem that i wrote for him last year and would love anyone and everyone to read it if they havent already.

it is on my page already but i have added a little
more to it now that i have a son.... this sums up just about how i feel..


WHERE DO I START?

NOBODY KNOWS HOW MUCH YOU
REALLY MEANT TO ME-
I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW I
CAN MAKE THEM SEE-
THAT I LOVED YOU SO MUCH AND ARE
A BIG PART OF MY HEART-
FOR ALWAYS AND FOREVER EVEN
THOUGH WE ARE APART-

I LOVED EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU,
YOUR STRENGTHS AND YOUR FLAWS-
AND NOW THAT I AM WITHOUT YOU
I FEEL SO EMPTY AND SMALL-
I MISS YOU SO MUCH AND DREAM
OF YOU NEAR-
BUT WHEN I WAKE UP ALL I
CAN SEE ARE TEARS-

YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME
WHEN I NEEDED SOMEONE TO TALK TO-
YOU WOULD HOLD ME CLOSE AND
SAY "GIRL YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU"-
YOU USED TO TELL ME THAT EVERYTHING
WOULD BE OK-
YOU WOULD HOLD ME TIGHT AND
WIPE MY TEARS AWAY-

I KEEP WAITING FOR YOUR PHONE
CALL ASKING IF I CAN TALK-
AND SEE IF I CAN COME OVER SO
WE CAN GO ON OUR LONG WALK-
I CHERISH EVERY MEMORY AND
MOMENT THAT WE SPENT TOGETHER-
I WILL HOLD THEM IN MY HEART
FOR ALWAYS AND FOREVER-

I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHY
YOU HAD TO GO AWAY-
AND WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT I COULD
OF DONE TO HAVE MADE YOU STAY-
I WILL ALWAYS WONDER, "WHAT IF
I WOULD HAVE BEEN THERE?"-
WOULD I HAVE TO SAY I LOVE YOU
ONLY THROUGH MY PRAYERS?-

THERE IS NOTHING I WOULDNT GIVE
TO BE ABLE TO GO BACK IN TIME-
JUST TO SAY THAT I LOVE YOU
AND HOLD YOU JUST ONE MORE TIME-
YOU HELD EVERYONE TOGETHER THAT
MUCH I CAN SAY IS TRUE-
YOU MEANT SO MUCH TO EVERYONE
AND WISH TO SEE YOU SOON-

I CANT IMAGINE WHAT MY LIFE WOULD
HAVE BEEN LIKE WITHOUT YOU-
I JUST WISH THAT MY DAUGHTER COULD
HAVE KNOWN WHAT THAT WAS LIKE TOO-
SHE WILL ALWAYS KNOW WHO YOU ARE-
SO WHEN SHE DOES FINALLY MEET YOU
YOU CAN HOLD HER IN YOUR ARMS-



ANOTHER YEAR HAS GONE BY
AND NOW I HAVE A SON-
I KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN
HEAVEN SMILING FROM ABOVE-
EVEN THOUGH HE HAS NEVER
MET YOU FACE TO FACE-
I KNOW THAT WHEN HE LOOKS UP ABOVE
AND SMILES, HE IS LOOKING UPON YOUR FACE-

I WISH THAT YOU WERE HERE TO HELP
TEACH HIM ALL ABOUT THINGS IN LIFE-
GUIDING HIM THROUGH THE HARD TIMES
AND NOT LETTING HIM LOSE SITE-
SOMEONE HE COULD CONFIDE IN WHEN
MOMMY AND DADDY DONT UNDERSTAND-
TO CATCH HIM WHEN HE FALLS OR JUST
NEEDS A LOVING HAND-

I KNOW THAT YOU WILL BE THERE IN SPIRIT
TO GUIDE THEM THROUGH THE GOOD AND THE BAD-
YOU WILL BE THERE IN THEIR HEARTS WHEN
THEY ARE FEELING ALONE AND SAD-
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WITH THEM EVEN THOUGH
YOU ARE APART-
YOU WILL ALWAYS BE WITH US IN SPIRIT
AND IN OUR HEARTS-

I LOVE YOU TONY

IN MEMORY OF ANTONIO
03-04-1981 TO 04-13-2004


WRITTEN BY APRIL