I dream about him every so often but I don't bring him up in conversation as much. It's been a while because I get these looks like "Really?!" But I miss him so much. I can't stress this enough if anyone thinks this won't happen to them is totally wrong. I still ask myself this. When I look back at how everyone was so careful with me and warnings of how this or that may go wrong with the baby, it actually scares me. It was a risk pregnancy. I was writing those warnings off as Nothing, those things can't happen to us, to me. I thought that it would be so close too close to home and things like that wouldn't happen to us. I was so wrong. I miss him so much. It still hurts so much. I love all my kids and to know I had all them, they are my life, they are my heart. They were what I lived for. My pride and joy. I still can't believe it. A part of my anatomy is gone. I can't function as before, neither do I care to.