Saturday, September 3, 2011
I wish I had some photos
I lost my son just after he turned 23 (one month) this was 7 years ago and the pain is still fresh for me. Being my first of 4 children he was always there for me, my helper. I feel such a void. It was so senseless, he was killed (shot in the heart) by his ex-girlfriend. I am always at the verge of crying. I have even thought at times I am being selfish because I am feeling sorry for myself (crying) because I'm missing out on a life time of moments I would've been able to share with him. All the happiness he would've brought me, all diminished. I still have 3 other children that make me smile but I am no longer a "happy" person. They're all a piece of me so in essence it feels as if I have lost a limb or a part of me. I miss him so much sometimes I feel ending it all would be the best way out of feeling this pain inside. Most of the time I am in no mood to talk to anyone about it because most people don't know what to say and 99.9% of the time I rather them say nothing at all. I wish they would just share with me a moment in their lives where he made a difference instead.
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1 comment:
I feel for you, I found your blog, while I was searching for "lost child" as I am having a dilema of leave the country my children are in, without knowing if I will be part of their life again. I know that is nothing compaire to the pain you have, but sill it make me experience what a parent can live in those hard tearing moments... my brother told me to be a father you have to loose a child... I didn't think it was "literally". however I beleive those extreme hardship make us realise what really matter for the children who are still alive, it show how we should cherish the moments we had but even more the moment we have in the Now, the present. Yes we carry the grief with our life, but we should be happy for the sake of who left us... indeed if we know ahead of time that our child would passed, would we change anything, would we refused to live what we have in our memory, all the delights ... NO! ... Our soul knows, so even if didn't last we ought to be happy we had those very powerful moments
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