In my dreams I am constantly looking for Tony. There are even people in my dreams helping me look for Tony. To describe it though is like a tv program where yes, I'm looking for Tony, people there enlisted to help, challenges along the way, things are learned. Very strange, these dreams are sometimes every night, sometimes once in awhile.
I haven't logged in lately. Didn't know how to make the announcement of my second born son getting married. It was very beautiful, she's beautiful and my son looked like a movie star all dressed up. He was so happy that day you could see it in his face, eyes, smile. Needless to say I know Tony would've been very proud of his little brother. LD told me if Tony had been there he would have been best man.
LD walked me to my seat, I thought he would have been too busy as the groom for that. It surprised me. I sat in the front row with my daughters and my mother on the grooms side. I watched my son as he stood there and started to think about how far he's come, from a little wrapped up bundle in my arms to this grown man infront of me. Who was he? My son. He stood there with this smile on his face and bright eyes, a smile so beautiful and he looked so gorgeous. Images of my baby went through my mind from that bundle of happiness til now and I had to keep telling myself "don't do it, don't do it" I was thinking....don't cry. I started to look around me for familiar faces, my daughters were glowing they were so beautiful. My mother too all dressed in gold lace. I looked behind me, my ex-husband with his girlfriend. It was the first time I've ever seen him in a tux. I looked down the second row, looked like Aulia, her Dad, at first glance it looked like she brought someone with her. I turned around, looked again, he looked familiar, I turned again and Solange told me "....that's Dustin!" (my nephew) I looked again and it was!! I reached out to him and held his hand and wispered "te amo" to him....this means I love you in portuguese, and he wispered "te amo" back to me. I looked again forward again to my son David (LD), breathed deeply and from there I couldn't hold back. I felt it all at that point. I so wanted Tony to be here, LD infront of me and Dustin behind me and there....the foodgates were open. I couldn't stop. LD came to me and said to me "I love you Mom" it makes me want to cry again just reading this and then the music started. She is beautiful. Courtney came down in a glass elevator to meet her father waiting for her to give her to my son. He is marrying into a nice family, I really couldn't have asked for better in-laws. they always make me feel comfortable. "Bev and Doug". I'm still sitting there trying to stop crying and someone brings me a tissue. Half way through the vows the photographer is blocking my view. It's like I was invisible. Didn't he realize what he was doing? I was missing it! Doug even tried to tell him to move and he didn't!!
As much as I hated missing this part it did give me time to compose myself.
Then it was over, they didn't want the exchange of vows to be long and it wasn't.
After that we all retired to the outer room to be announced, LD and Courtney went up the elevator, it was picture time.
The wedding was very beautiful thanks to Bev and Doug.
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