I've written about how I have felt from time to time on these posts but even being the one going through this it's so hard to describe. The other day I was visiting with a friend of my daughter's, I hardly go anywhere but to Dr's appointments but I was out giving my youngest some moral support. She was on an interview for a new job and I sat in the car. I got bored and since Solange had left her cell phone in the car I dialed Schivone. She asked me if I would stop by since I was so close to the house she had just moved into and wanted me to meet her new room mate, Kenny. He was a very nice guy. He knew my background, I'm sure Schivone had clued him in about Tony. He made me and Solange feel very comfortable. We all visited for alittle while and then Schivone had to go to bed, she had to get up early for work. He asked me to stay alittle while longer, I thought that was so sweet, normally I wouldn't have but I did agree, just a few more minutes I thought. Ends up he knows someone from my past, and we were going on and on about how small this world was and then suddenly, he asked me how I felt, I could tell what he meant but since no one had ever really asked me that before I kinda froze. I was caught off guard thinking that, "wow, no one has ever asked me" and he had this sincere concerned look on his face. He even started to "help" me describe what couldn't come out of my mouth. "Sadness?" I shook my head yes, "void?" I thought, and the expression on my face must've shown "you got it!, a Void!!". Then he asked me "void of what?". In my head I couldn't find the right word again and he said "happiness?" and I said "YES". Deep in my gut, my heart, my soul, a void. He didn't remind me of the fact that I had 3 other children to live for, he didn't tell me about how much the future has yet to offer. He stopped, told me he was sorry for my loss and that was it. Smart guy.