At first I couldn't talk to anybody. I was so irritated at people that would say things like "I know how you feel....My dad died, (my dad died in 1999, not the same) my grandmother died, (my grandmother died in 1995, again, not the same) my dog died." Can you believe that one?? "My dog died." I wanted to slap that person but I just had to remember there are some really stupid people in this world and we should really feel sorry for them. I couldn't say anything as she told me her story. This wasn't a kid either! This was a lady in her early to mid thirties, telling me the story of how she suffered when her dog died! As I was watching this person tell her story, I was in such shock trying everything to keep from lungeing at her and telling her how stupid she sounded. "Time heals all wounds, blah, blah, I remember when my dog died, blah, blah, I cried everyday, and my husband got so sick of me crying everyday for 2 weeks he went out one afternoon and brought me home a new puppy." Is she nut's?? Two weeks isn't going to be enough for me to get over this you idiot!! And nothing can replace my SON!! Least of all a new puppy for crying out loud!!
Needless to say I isolated myself. I was feeling suicidal and these people were going to put me over the edge. Maybe they thought they were being helpful but they were just making matters worse. It made me not want to see anybody. It was as if I had to justify the way I was feeling to everyone.
Looking back to the first year I wonder how I got out of that black hole alive. People were just mean. Absolutely no emotional support. I had never felt so alone in my life.
When I lost Tony I was caring for an elderly woman. She died one month later. She had battled with cancer for awhile, the family decided to call hospice and within a couple days of hospice taking over she passed away. After that I couldn't find a job. I ended up working for that elderly womans grandson who owned a telemarketing room. I thought since I couldn't be much use with anything too complicated I could read a one page script and work an automated dialer.
I did pretty good for awhile. But you could do out of this world good, it was never enough. My new boss and his secretary/lover would still treat you like slime. I stuck it out. I had bills to pay. Then I found a new job, time share resales, new boss, same lot. I'm not cut out for this type of work. I'm still working for the same lady but it's from home, I couldn't deal with the office politics. I'm working for the same lady still but now we do credit restoration and I dial from home now sending interested ones to my boss, she does the close. Telesales is for the desperate, really. I wish I could be doing something else.
I don't make enough to pay my bills. I've tried applying for other jobs but haven't been able to get anything else. Small town. It's who you know. I signed up for a medical transcription course online. As soon as I'm done with the course I know my financial future will improve.
I wish there was something else I could do right now to make alittle extra money. Didn't have to be a whole lot. The expedition needs a transmission. I don't think it's going to last much longer. David, who was helping us hold on to Tony's expedition finally got his own car. Solange took over last year with the loan payments and insurance. She does fine keeping up the payments but replace a transmission? You can't pull $2000.00 out of thin air
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