I found this site by Kelly Cummings at http://www.geocities.com/for_grieving_moms/index.html of what to say and what not to say that was really helpful:
Words That Hurt
“You just need to have more faith.”
“This is nature’s way.”
“God doesn’t make mistakes.”
“God only takes the good.”
“I know just how you feel.”
“You don’t need to feel that way.”
“Don’t cry.”
“You must be strong for the sake of your children.”
“At least he didn’t suffer.”
“Everything will be all right.”
“Time heals all wounds.”
“Be brave.”
“Every cloud has a silver lining.”
“You’ll get over it.”
“If you look around, you’ll find lots of people who are worse off.”
“You should be over this by now.”
“You’ve got to pull yourself together.”
“Just try a little harder.”
“There must be some reason for this.”
“Make yourself more attractive; a fine man (or woman) will come and sweep you off your feet.”
“If there’s anything I can do, just call me.”
“God must really love you a lot.”
“It must have been his time.”
“Be thankful you have another child.”
Words that Heal
“I am so sorry.”
“I care.”
“I love you.”
“I’m here with you.”
“I’m available.”
“I’m listening.”
“I feel so bad.”
“I feel so helpless.”
“I share your sorrow.”
“Go ahead and cry--I’ll cry with you.”
“Life is sometimes very difficult.”
“It’s all right to cry.”
“It’s okay to be angry.”
“I know you are hurting right now.”
“Words fail me.”
“What are you feeling right now?”
“How may I help you?”
“This must be very painful for you.”
“I have no idea what it must be like for you. I’ve never experienced what you’re going through. Can you tell me what it’s like?”
“This must be so hard to accept.”
“I really miss__________. He/She was a special person.”
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